I wish he had not brought the ice cream.  I remembered it hours after he had gone and decided to look in the freezer, hoping it would not be there.  Not knowing it was there, I did not acknowledge it.  I knew he would bring it because i remember how he was for all those years we spent together.  I feel twinges of sadness and pity for someone who once lauded cruelty, power and money over me. 

It was my party for E's graduation from BA.  All his sibs were there except for C. who is usually working in his home away from home.  Funny to say ALL the family, because X was there.  We attended E's graduation ceremony on Wed..  Even my mum came along.  We were all very polite and pleasant to each other.  It was not too difficult, especially as it was E's day and we did not want anything to spoil it.  He drove us all to the Exhibition grounds where the ceremony was taking place, and drove mum  to the subway, and me home.  E took off with his buds afterwards.

Of course when we arrived at the house, the home where we had raised our five children, I invited him in for a cup of tea.  I knew he would say no, which is exactly what he did.

I sense that despite the politeness and shared stories of past delights, X has no interest in me anymore, which is a shame because malhereusment (?) i still yearn for him.  It makes it all the harder when he acts so like he used to be....

Ach, more fool me....